A Few Things

I have two clear regrets: one dumb and superficial, one deep and complicated and unbearable. The first is that at a comedy show in Las Vegas, I lied about where I was from, saying Montreal instead of Timmins, Ontario. Stating the truth would have been funnier than what turned out to be fairly standard run of the mill show biz cynicism. The second regret is that I didn't say goodbye to my eldest brother properly. This is an excerpt of a letter I sent to him. Joe died suddenly, though not unexpectedly, from cancer before he could read this.

"You are my brother, and I love you. That is the first thing, and really the main thing. The second thing is that I don’t think I’ve ever told you how proud I am of you. Really. I have a picture of you on my fridge and I often look at it because it reminds me of a story mom told me about you having saved a guy’s life at work. I was so very proud. I still am.
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The other thing I wanted to say to you is that I admire that you really give it to the man. You have always been a strong mofo, and I love that. You don’t take shit from anyone and this is amazing. It has set a really good example for the rest of us. Keep goddam fighting in whatever way you can. I know I fucking will and I learned part of this from you. At least, I think I did anyway.
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I’m also sorry we don’t know each other better. Perhaps it’s the age difference and all that. I don’t know. You were out of the house and married by the time I was ten. I moved away from Timmins over 25 years ago, and so did you. I don’t think we’re so very different, though. I’d like to think I’m like you in those strong ways. I can’t imagine what you are going through, though I’m sorry you have to go through it. It’s hard to explain and I won’t try. Please understand that I mean this in a good way.
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Love,

Merrianne."