Still Life with Fruit

From a recently submitted exam:

"Not everyone volunteers to have an apple shot off their head, even if it's by a proffessional (sic)."

Things Astrological

This is an email exchange between me and one of my closest girlfriends in the whole wide world. She has a penchant for reading the stars; I am more of a vulgarian, unintentionally as it so often turns out. The initial conversation has to do with me looking for a cheap way to get to Ottawa to run a half marathon:

From: Merrianne
Date: Tue, May 19, 2009 at 5:55 PM
To: D.

Thanks so much. There has been a wrench in the plans. Calf trouble. Very serious. Physio tomorrow. Don't want to talk about it. Very distressed.
xoxoxo
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From: D.
Date: Tue, May 19, 2009 at 7:11 PM
To: Merrianne

So sorry to hear that. Let me know if you change your mind about talking.

I just checked your transits and you've been undergoing a lot of stress via transiting Saturn through Virgo (health/service/wellness), riding over your natal Uranus & Pluto, and opposing your Chiron ("the wound, the WOUND!"). Transiting Saturn is exactly opposed to your natal Chiron right now. No wonder. Through this Saturn transit most of us have been struggling with some kind of illness/injury, or re-ordering for mental/emotional/whole health. Who knows why we must face these situations, which are a series of decisions, but we must, and so we do.

Thus if it's any consolation, yes, it's not personal, and yes, all these things must pass. Saturn has just gone direct again (since Saturday I believe) and I believe it's not going to go retrograde (the ma/lingering) anymore till it shuffles directly off into Libra in October. Additionally, it will pass directly over your natal Pluto as the last big trigger point, and to me, that signals some kind of regeneration via discipline, possibly something quite revolutionary for you.

lots of love -- take care and give me news when you can.
xoxo
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From: Merrianne
Date: Tue, May 19, 2009 at 7:31 PM
To: D.

Thank you for the astrological point of view. Need to get my head out
of the asshold perspective that I'm stuck in. Question: The 2nd
paragraph: so when does this saturn shit end? October? Fuck.
xom
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From: Merrianne
Date: Tue, May 19, 2009 at 7:32 PM
To: D.

By the way -- I like my typo "asshold" -- I like it a lot!
xom
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From: Merrianne
Date: Tue, May 19, 2009 at 7:33 PM
To: D.

Do you think that the "asshold" will go away or that the typo actually is the regeneration?
xom
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From: Merrianne
Date: Tue, May 19, 2009 at 7:35 PM
To: D.

The Asshold.
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Gaga Fame

Update on urgent matters pertaining to popular culture and tea.

6:09 PM Sarah: Allo?

me: Hey there... anything new?

Sarah: Nope.... busy trying to finish a grant proposal. You? Did you get your results yet?

6:10 PM me: Not 2 much. Waiting for Paul to get home from the dentist. I haven't gone back to the clinic yet to get the results [MRI – shoulder impingement syndrome as it turns out – very awful.]...probably on Tuesday. What's up for the weekend? And, more importantly, what is the deal with Lady Gaga?

6:11 PM Sarah: Clothing swap on Sunday... gotta clean the house bad.

me: Yeesh. LG?

Sarah: I don't know... all I know is that she's got kookie hair and some good but some real bad fashion sense.

me: I just heard a song where she says something like "I want your disco pole inside me” or something...very soft porn. Something like riding on your disco stick. Lyrics. Whoa.

As it turns out, I'm talking about this song:



Sarah: Meh... I haven't heard anything.

6:12 PM me: She likes to drink tea from tea cups...which I like.

Sarah: I only listen to cbc radio 3 for music. I am too cool for Lady Gaga.

me: Apparently, she misplaced her tea cup...anyway...maybe she was going for a very literal tempest in a teapot thing. Maybe it wasn’t her. I don't actually listen to anything...I hear about something, then listen to it. That sounds weird.

The Quitting of the Smoking with Megan

ONE WEEK INTO THE QUIT:

June 7, 2008: Me to Megan:
Holy Fucking Shit. Still.

I'm so happy that you are out and about and opening up and all of that...this is all good. I'm having a bit of a bad day...[REDACTED]...My space feels crammed up with garbage...a whole other thing. And I'm not feeling very happy coupley with Paul at all today and don't feel like going out to dinner with another (very nice) couple we hardly know. And, because I'm so goddam stubborn, I probably won't go and he'll go on his own, signalling the downward spiral of our relationship and then yuck yuck yuck. But why should I go out and fake it. This is the one thing I refuse to do. Fuck. Yes...feeling bitter over gawdknowswhatall. [REDACTED].

50 DAYS LATER:
July 20, 2008: Me to Megan:
Maybe you thought that I'd given in to the devil weed... Not yet. But it has been 50 days ferchrissakes and I had to write to someone, especially youze. [REDACTED]. I did run into an asshole who told me "Ah you could slip...very likely." Me, I wanted to kick his ass; instead, I got all agitated in my head and wanted to go home. Oh well.

TWO MONTH POINT:
August 1, 2008: Me to Megan:
Here's whassup with me: you are on facebook. That is what's up with me.
I have been on FIRE...in a bad way. Terrible terrible bad moods, picking fights, unable to stop myself from ranting. What is the deal with that? I don't think I can blame it on the quitting of the smoking, though I'm off the stupid gum and lozenges...it's been almost 2 weeks. My inner teenager is all about the "it's not fair" shit. Jesus...

SWEETNESS AND LIGHT -- One month prior to the quit.

Mid May 2008: Megan to Me:
I'm committed to the June 1st.
Even thinking about the crackbook. That way, I can speak to you more
directly. [REDACTED]. My friend Mary is coming back from England on the 31st so I'll have my last blow out with her…beer 'n' smokes.

May 20, 2008: Megan to Me:
If we win a crap load of money...I might take myself to a fat farm spa
like dealeo to assist with the detox part. From what I remember from
the last time I quit in Mtl...I seem to remember having cramps in my
belly for several days. I think the nicotine detox takes about a week
or so to actually leave the body. The psychological stuff takes years
and therapy.
With appreciation,
Wadada Wadada (that means love)

May 21, 2008: Me to Megan:
Hey Megan, or should I say Wadada Wadada -- Actually, I searched Facebook today and there are quite a number of folks with this as part of their name...from Uganda mostly.
Thank you so much for reinvesting the winnings. I plan to buy some Nicorettes this week. In other ironic news, May 31st is (apparently) national no tobacco day -- they can shove that if it's our last chance for a smoke.
xoxoxoxm

May 30, 2008: Me to Megan:
[REDACTED]
We are gonna be nonsmokers!
love you xom